Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Years ago I was not the most responsible young lady. In fact, my life was a crazy party every day and I didn't care if or how my decisions would affect my future. I lived life day-to-day, deciding each minute what I would do next. Then I met Him. My behaviors didn't change immediately, but as I grew to know him and love him I started making changes. I adjusted my life to better match his. I am so glad I made these decisions, and so thankful that he helped me turn my life around (because God only knows what could have happened to me if I hadn't).

Once the decision was made to turn my life around, a battle began. It took a lot of time and money to correct my mistakes. A lot of apologizes, phone calls, letters and tears. Alot of research was done, a lot of good-byes were said and many, many changes were made. Changes that would give me a better life in the long run. I turned my focus from the present to the future, and tried my best to straighten everything out.

After a long time of working through these problems, I finally had everything under control. I wasn't perfect, but the decisions I was making were healthier and the bad ones weren't as dangerous or harmful. I had dealt with every problem - or at least had a plan to solve it over time and my life was on route to a destination I wanted to go to.

Or so I thought.

There was one problem that I thought I had dealt with, finished, taken care of. One HUGE stressor that I had finally tossed away into the "done pile" and forgot about.

Until today.

It turns out that that problem wasn't solved, wasn't fully dealt with - part of it had been left untouched, and today it came back to haunt me. And now it's not only haunting me; it's haunting us. The whole being married thing makes my problems his problems. I am filled with guilt over this issue coming back. It has nothing to do with him, never did; yet now it's his problem too.

I am so very sorry about this sweetie, I wish I could make everything better; but I can't. Thank you for facing this battle with me. We'll get through it, one way or another; we always do. It won't be easy though, and it's another long road ahead.

Thanks for standing by my side. I love you.

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