Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I <3 my Husband.

So you may remember a post from a while back - and I have an update for you. I have finally been able to gain some weight! I think it's partially to do with the lack of stress in my personal life. I am no longer going 1,000,000 miles a minute trying to finish planning a wedding. It's done, over and now i have more time to sit and do nothing. I also think that the work I have been doing for the past year or so on my eating habits has helped.

I went up a size in clothing! I have more energy most days, and can manage to stay up a little later, run around with my son a little harder and still be able to pull myself out of bed and face the next day. I find myself needing a few less naps, a few less caffeine and/or sugar boosts and a few less breaks to just sit and rest. I am happier & healthier then I have been in a long time, but I still don't feel good about it.

The problem now is nothing fits me. The first place I gained some weight was my boobage - I went from a barely A to a full A cup. Now bras are too small and many shirts are too tight. I also went up a full pant size, meaning I have 3 pairs of pants that fit me - 2 work pants and one pair of jeans.

As thrilled as I am to be at a healthy weight, finally, I am frustrated and feel disgusting. I think the feeling comes mostly from the squeezing into my clothes I have to do. I weigh a whopping 120 lbs (a 10 lb increase, for those keeping score at home) - so I am not big by any means, I am still smaller then most around me.

Now, to the I <3 my husband part. As I attempted to squeeze my new ass into a pair of too-small jeans last night on our way to the park, I almost started crying. "I'm fat!" I yelled, frustrated with everything. (Note: I know I am not fat.) A short while later, on the way to the park, he told me to go shopping, gave me a (generous) budget, and said "Have fun and feel better, I'll be the one to worry about the financial side of things, if I say we can afford for you to spend money on clothes, then you can. Just do what you need to to be the happy, sexy-feeling you again."

So I will. I will go shopping, I will buy pants that fit over my hips without that feeling that my "fat" is pooling over the top of my jeans. I will buy shirts that make me feel good about my body and don't try to cover the fact that I am(was) too-skinny. I will buy a new white bra, one that fits me comfortably and how it's supposed to and I might treat myself to a new pair of shoes, just because.

It's a landmark for me. It's taken nearly 2 years for me to gain back any of the weight I lost when my dad died. (Can you imagine if someone trying to lose weight didn't notice a difference, didn't lose a pound for 2 years-they'd go insane!!!!) Now I just need to adjust my habits to maintain not gain...

Learn from my challenge, anyone out there who is struggling with trying to gain weight, don't give up. It's a slow battle, a struggle. But you can do it.

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