Tuesday, December 2, 2008

[not so] Happy Anniversary!

Happy Annibirthary Daddy! I am so proud to have become your daughter 11 years ago. December 2 is one of the days I looked forward to most every year, and now I dread it. The same day that I gained the most wonderful of fathers, I lost him. I can’t belive that it’s been a year without you, how did the time go by so quickly? So much has happened in the last year, and I so wish you could have been here to share. It’s beginning to fade, each day I forget a little more the way your arms felt when you hugged me, I forget the way your voice sounded when you were proud (and even when you were angry). I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to be without, I want you back. I need you to be here with me, with us. I want to tell you a little bit about my last year, about the things that you couldn’t be there for…

Let's see...things with work are good. I am appreciated and considered a good worker, and I am really proud of a lot of my design work. Who would have thought that the wanna-be engineer...then teacher....then PR manager....is now a graphic designer! I really do love my job though, and wish I could share it with you. In August, Mike and I were married. It was really the most perfect wedding a girl could dream of. Walking down the aisle was one of the hardest things I had to do. The sound of the whole room rising for my entrance just got to me. I was on the verge of tears. It's a good thing Eric and Ryan were there to hold me up, or I may not have made it. I wanted you to be there though, more then anything. When mom lit the candle in your memory, I just about lost it; but when I saw Mike, so happy to be marrying me - I realized that no matter where you were, you were there with me. Oh, before I got entirely beautified, I went to visit you! The photographer had never gone to a cemetery on a wedding day before, she was wonderfully supporting and captured the perfect picture for me. I kept your name, as a second middle name. I couldn't let it go - I am your only child after all - but you know how hard it was for me to have a different name then my parents, and I didn't want Adam to deal with that too, so I took Mike's name as my last name and kept yours as a middle name. We had a wonderful honeymoon dad, we went to Niagara Falls (I thought of that picture of you and mom, standing on the Maid of the Mist), Vermont and the coast of Maine. We went sailing on the coolest old boat. That was a hard part of the trip for me. You would have loved it, even just the pictures. I got to help raise the sails, you woulda been proud of me dad. Adam turned 3 in September, I can't believe how old he's getting. He is so smart. He knows who you are too, we talk about you and he asks when we can see Grandpa Bruce. I tell him you're in heaven with his fish Timbit. I hope you and Timbit are having a good time! I got into some financial trouble again, big surprise, right? Mom helped us out. I know you would have too. 

Life is really good dad, I am really happy. I just miss you so much. I don't understand why you had to be taken away from me - but for whatever reason you're gone. All I have are the memories. I try to cling to them, but it's hard. The older they get, the harder it is to remember the details. I miss the sound of your voice, your hugs...I just miss you. So much. 

I am off to spend the day with mom. I should be spending it with you, it is our annibirthary after-all. 11 years dad! I am so proud to be your daughter. I want you to know that. Even if I didn't always tell you, I am. I love you so much, you were truly the best dad a girl could have had, I am lucky to have had you at all. I miss you daddy. 

Love Always, 

Your Daughter

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